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A Perfect Mess

 

Well, the wheels really fell off me, didn’t they. After my last post I intended to share with you all about our move back to George Town but one thing after another kept stopping me, and before I knew it I wasn’t even in Malaysia anymore. Here’s what’s gone down.

Basically, things did get better once we were in George Town again. Vegan food was plentiful and although the place we were staying was very simple and spartan, it suited our needs. Of course, other things slowly started to go wrong. Our video camera stopped working for some mysterious reason, and I dropped my phone, causing the screen to smash. Other things went down as well that contributed to me feeling more and more depressed, and it was all I could do just to get through every day. All in all it was definitely a step up from our previous apartment but not quite enough to make everything rosy again.

I very much appreciate the friends I made in George Town, and I also appreciate the time I got to spend with existing friends who were passing in and out of town. However, after spending a few months in Penang, I’m not sure I can recommend it for digital nomads. It is lovely for a short stay but issues like internet speed and connectivity make it difficult to stay there for longer periods. There are certainly ways around these problems but only if you have enough money – and I think “enough money” equals an income higher than what most digital nomads earn. Please understand, I’m not having a go at Penang or Malaysia, it’s just that my experience wasn’t a thoroughly positive one and I can only be honest about that.

However, last week we moved on from Malaysia and are now in Bali, and already I can feel the energy shift. I am much more relaxed and high-spirited, despite the fact I sprained my ankle on our very first night here. In fact, within 24 hours of being back in Bali, I was looking up visa regulations for living here for several months or more, and I think that says something.

I also came to a realisation while I was having my little meltdown period that I have hit my limit when it comes to what I’ve been trying to do with my vlog and blog. So I have decided to make some changes. Above is a video I made about it. (PS. Turn up your speakers after the opening title – I’m filming on my phone right now so the sound quality is not the best).

I have a long, long history of biting off more than I can chew. I guess it’s still part of my journey to learn how to let things go and I’m not sure how much progress I’m really making there. I’m called the Lost Lemurian for a reason. I’m lost – there’s so much I don’t know about life. But I hope that in admitting that, in conceding that I’m a mess half the time, I can help some of you out there who feel the same way. Because one thing I am learning – I keep forgetting it, but I am learning it – is that it’s ok to be a mess. When we try to cover up our mess, that’s when we get real issues. It’s the lies we tell ourselves and others to retain our pride and ego that just dig us deeper and deeper into the hole.

So this is why I try to admit my failings to you at every opportunity. I try not to pretend that I’ve got my shit together when I just plain don’t. But this is the exact way in which I’m trying to reach out to the world. Perhaps you don’t have your shit together either (and personally, I suspect that none of us do). So let’s not have our shit together together. Let’s overcommit and fall short and be monumental fuck-ups as a big beautiful group, because it’s only in doing that that we realise how utterly perfect our failures actually are. And in the process, we will probably create something amazingly wonderful.

So here’s to Penang, the difficult time out of which something beautiful is probably going to emerge. What exactly that is, I don’t quite know yet. I suspect only time and hindsight will tell. For now, I’m just going to enjoy being in Bali and I’ll do my best to share whatever I can with you; however few or far between my posts end up being over the next few months. Whatever the frequency is, it will be a perfect mess.

 

I'm in Bali! Plus some changes to my channel.

 

Do you have any opinions on my thoughts here? Do you have any advice or suggestions for my time in Bali? Let me know in the comments!

 

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